Some disappointment

Well we've had weight check after weight check and it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Meena initially loss close to a pound of her birth weight and has had a hard time gaining it back. At one point she gained 4 oz in 2 days, then only 1/2 oz in 6 days, ugh. Tuesday her pediatrician decided to have me nurse, feed 1 oz, pump, repeat. It was not only exhausting doing this for 2 days but my emotions were drained and I was completely unavailable to a little 3 year old that is needing quite a bit of extra attention these days. My day yesterday ended in lots of tears shed between me and Mala and little Meena getting some formula to finally fill her belly.
Today we had a visit with the lactation center to do a transfer weight to find out exactly how much Meena was getting at a feeding. My thoughts were confirmed, she only got 1 oz. She should be receiving about 2-2.5 oz per feeding so that she can grow and gain weight.
The lactation consultant was fantastic and completely reasonable and understanding of the fact that I just couldn't continue with the nurse, feed, pump, repeat routine and be a decent mother to Mala. So what it comes down to...Joanna just doesn't make enough milk to feed a little Kumar.
I'm starting to realize this makes sense, I mean anyone that knows Anil knows that the first place he hits after entering anyone's home is the refrigerator. He starts digging through people's leftovers immediately. We all know he's a bottomless pit and doesn't tend to fill out is average frame even though he eats like a teenage boy going through puberty. Why would I be able to keep his little girls fed entirely by myself?
I spent yesterday afternoon and night grieving my loss of the ability to solely breastfeed Meena after wanting to so bad. But after speaking with the lactation consultant and her telling me it was ok I've decided to move on with my life and call it a loss. Meena will still be getting close to 50% of her diet by breastfeeding and now that she's actually getting a full belly she seems to be a much more content little girl! She's her daddy's girl :)